I was a Disney kid, and I ate up those versions of fairy tales when I was very young. Lo these many years later, I have pinpointed some assumptions/guiding principles that my little girl mind came up with based on Cinderella. I have yet to consider Sleeping Beauty or Snow White, but there is likely some overlap, especially in the Prince Charming part.
- People (women) will not appreciate you.
- People (women) will abuse you, take advantage of you, manipulate you.
- Your supporters, those who try to help you, will be small and ineffective.
- If you take initiative on your own and achieve something, people (women) will take it away from you because they think you don’t deserve anything.
- No matter what you do, you won’t be able to save yourself.
- If you are really good, really patient, suffer in silence, and continue to be kind to people (women) who are mean to you, someone will come along to save you.
- When that person does come to save you, you will get all the wonderful things you deserve.
- One of your rewards will be a handsome man who will fall in love with you at first sight.
- People (women) may try to prevent you from keeping all your wonderful things—and your man.
- Your man will do whatever he needs to do to save you.
- He will take you away from the bad people (women) and will take care of you and cherish you.
- Your love will live forever.
- You will be very, very happy for ever after.
I had two far older sisters growing up, so all the conclusions I came to seemed to test out in the real world--they teased me terribly and belittled me (as all older siblings tend to do to younger ones). I think my logic was that since the bullets about women were true, the once about the handsome prince must be too.
I have been married three times. Looking back, I see that in the first marriage I expected all of my "prince" assumptions to come true. They didn't. In the second marriage i was a little more cautious, but still held to the "happily ever after" idea, along with my belief in "true love." Neither worked out. The third was good, but we ended up taking two completely different life paths and ended up splitting out of a recognition that we couldn't reconcile such differences. I fully shed my assumptions about the prince in the 14 years of that marriage, and now have no romantic illusions about soulmates, true love, etc.
And I think this is good. No, I know it's good. I'm in a lovely relationship with a guy who (ironically) actually LOOKS like Prince Charming in Shrek (only without the scowl), and it is a healthy, enjoyable relationship--without any fairy tale assumptions.
Now, to the "woman" thing...I'd love to have some really close woman friends, and I am on the way there. I will admit, though, that I am walking carefully on this one. I think that there are more out there like me--fairy tale believers who think reality includes magic, romance, kismet, and who actually do treat other women badly (out of their own insecurities). Finding those who have "crossed over" to clear-eyed thinking about life will take time--but I'm looking forward to the journey!
